How many times do you see Hollywood stories and movies about picture perfect couples? Boy meets girl, askes girl out, girl falls head over heels in love, they get married, have kids, buy a house, and live happily ever after. Lets be real and honest for a second……that kind of relationship does not exist!!!!!! Well it does not exist in that exact way, but we can get close to it!
Marriage is hard and it should be. You have disagreements and fights with people you work with who you only see at times a few hours a day, and society paints the picture that you and someone whom you live with almost 24/7, should never fight and disagree and if you do then something is wrong with you and your relationship. I disagree with that, in fact having disagreements from time to time, is actually a good and healthy thing! If you and your spouse disagree about something it means that you both feel strongly about your viewpoint and want to make it known. Problems can arise in relationships when one or both of you stop trying and just agree or give in to what the other one wants because it is easier. This is how resentment is built and the problems start from there.
Marriage is hard and it should be. It takes a lot of work to continue to keep the love and passion as alive as it was when you first met. Don’t stop trying to date your spouse. Continue to be playful and flirtatious with them, this will help to let them know you are still interested in them. But as I said, marriage is hard and it should be. Life gets busy, kids get busy, and we forget to take time for each other and kindle the love we have.
Marriage is hard and it should be! As the years go on and the relationship continues, we forget about communication and take it for granted. Make sure you are taking time to connect with your spouse daily and talk with them. Turn off the TV, out down the report from work, close the computer, and put away the phones. Connect and talk as people, care about what the other one is saying and be genuinely interested in what they are saying! Ask questions about them that you think you know the answer to, their answer might surprise you! Talk about current events and interesting things that you heard that day. Do what you can to continue to learn about your spouse in as many ways as you can. Again, marriage is hard and it should be, it takes a lot of work to be a good communicator.
Marriage is hard and it should be. We are busy and faster than we have ever been before. We get home from work and it is a mad dash to do chores, make dinner, get the kids homework done, get them to bed, finish that paper for school, or do that last report for work. Once our head hit the pillow, we are out cold and wake up to do it all over again. This lifestyle begins to erode our sex life and physical intimacy with our loved one. Don’t be afraid to schedule sex into your week! This way you both can ensure that intimacy is a part of the relationship and not forgotten about. And the anticipation to your Thursday night sex date can really ramp up the desire factor for your partner. Also talk about sex and your needs openly and honestly. Sex changes as we grow together and what once was wanted or needed may change as you get older, tell your spouse these things so they know what you want. Marriage is hard and it should be.
I think I have made my point that marriage is hard, but that is ok. A good marriage and a fulfilling marriage should be hard and it takes work to make it good and keep it there. If you have been reading along with this and have thought to yourself “yeah we don’t do those things” or “I forgot to ask my spouse what they like or want” or perhaps it was “I miss those things from when we first got together.” If you have felt that way or desire to get those things back again it takes work and dedication but you can get there! Check out my blog on getting your relationship spark back here for more ideas on what to do!
Go get your marriage back to where you want it to be!
Patrick Schultz MA LPC NCC